Your life – your fetish

On social media, we are increasingly taking part in the lives of many people, some of whom we only know briefly or not at all. We are confronted with an abundance of ideas, lifestyles and activities that can sometimes stress us out and make us unhappy. The more you participate in social networks, the more inviting the comparison between yourself and the ideals presented. We run the risk of being heavily influenced by content that algorithms present us while searching for the right expression that does justice to our individuality and personality. You can easily get lost in the crowd, especially when you look outside for answers.

I post for fun and to inspire and encourage people to get to know and live out their fetish and kinks. Great response motivates me to share my experiences with others and to collect new perspectives and ideas in exchange. I recently followed a discussion on Twitter that began with the statement “Twitter makes me feel like literally everyone is having better geared sex than I am.” This tweet generated a lot of agreement, because toxic perfectionism is on us every day on social media. One of the replies was “I feel the same way, it’s a great resource but it exposes my own weaknesses!” Everyone shows their best bits, which may be interpreted as a permanent reality and may lead to uncertainty and self-doubt. It becomes even more difficult when authentic fetish is mixed with financial interests and sales intentions, keyword Cash App, OnlyFans or PayPal.Me.

In the last few months, we have only been able to use social networks to exchange ideas or to hear / see one another – at least superficially. Since then, two acquaintances have believed they are afraid of missing out on something essential in their (fetish) lives. We get to see what others are doing and use it to create our own ideas in our heads. But the gap between fantasy and reality can be big – even with the postings we see every day. If we like a person or their style, we tend to be orientated towards them. Social media offer a platform for all of us, and algorithms are used to amplify voices that would hardly have been noticed in real life. Let yourself be inspired, but not misled. Social media is neither your life nor your fetish. What others do and are may not be right for you. “Comparing is the end of happiness and the beginning of dissatisfaction,” warned the Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard.

Particularly in times of lockdown and social distancing, I frequently saw postings of goods orders and deliveries in my timeline. To shorten the waiting time at home, many fetishists have obviously stocked up on new gear. Be it a new pair of leather jeans or shirt, new boots, or toys. Social media does not only affect our consumer behavior in form of obvious advertising. Suddenly we see and want products that we haven’t given a thought before. Either to be able to keep up with others or to belong. I recently discovered that you can be out quickly if you don’t have the right gear. A photo of a couple of guys in Sendra boots was taken, and only those who wore the traditional brand boots from Spain were allowed in the photo – other cowboy boots were of no interest. That way we allow ourselves to be unnecessarily put under pressure and be tempted into consuming, which doesn’t make us happy because we actually didn’t miss anything before. I must admit that over the past few months I made a few gear purchases, too. But I also found some interesting pieces on second-hand forums and realized creative pieces with my tailor. On the one hand, we want to differentiate ourselves with certain brands and thus belong to the gay fetish subculture. On the other hand, some fetish labels are developing more and more into consumer-driven mainstream, and our own form of expression prevents us from being lost in the masses.

Currently we can recognize in our society the powerlessness of the individual in a dictatorship of do-gooders, know-it-alls, influencers. This makes it all the more important to regularly free yourself from the noise of the media and concentrate more on yourself, your own perception, and your own awareness. And to shine in your own light when it comes to fetish, passion, and desires. My advice here is the quote from podcaster and author Laura Seiler: “The comparison with others makes you blind to the original that you are.”