The “Thoughts in an exceptional time” about Corona, which I wrote in spring during the first lockdown, began with the words: “ The Corona crisis hit me like heavy whip lashes on the back.” Now before the turn of the year 2020/21 lashes hit me again – even more violently, apparently incessantly. This virus does not adhere to any of the three golden rules of BDSM. It’s neither safe nor sane, and certainly not consensual.
We started 2020 full of verve. What tempting images of the Roaring Twenties did we have in mind – feather boa wickedness, dandy-like nobility and dazzling self-presentation, while we also know about the doom of that era. In addition to the equality of numbers, there are certainly parallels to the present, be it (sexual) freedom, the danger of financial market capitalism or the attack on democracy. What took years to fall into the abyss in the 1920s, a virus accelerated in no time in 2020. After barely two months in the twenties of the 21st century, Corona forced us to stand still. Not only that previous habits had to be thrown overboard, entire livelihoods were at stake. Most of us tried to make the most of it. While my post sounded consistently confident and motivated during the first lockdown, they now have a certain lethargy. In the spring the increasing sun and warmth, the sprouting and awakening of nature brightened our minds and made the new state of sitting and waiting at home bearable. But now cold, fog and darkness surround us. Meanwhile I’m losing the overview: are we in the lockdown light or in a complete one? How long can I be outside and why? Who can I meet?
COVID-19 only seems safe to me in its continuity and resilience. The latest discovery of its mutation, which is said to be even more dangerous and significantly more contagious, reminds me of a science fiction movie. Daily newspapers headline “Coronavirus mutated – people are fleeing London” and know how to exploit the virus to get more clicks and to be more attractive as an advertising medium. They play with our fear and intimidate us. Politicians do their part to scare the population with permanent threats. In contrast, the support and attentions of family, friends, and those around us turn out to be safe. An encouraging word or a well-intentioned advice helps us through the extraordinary time and gives us the feeling of not being alone. Please maintain this positive relationship with one another and stay close despite the necessary distance.
Social distance is challenging many and it seems that some people have fewer social skills the further they distance, which brings me to the rule of sanity. We are constantly confronted with slogans like “Together we can do it” or “Take care of yourself, take care of me”. I lost the belief in a common togetherness at the latest during the so-called corona mass tests in Austria in December. Only around 20 percent of Austrians had themselves tested for free, despite perfect organization, no waiting times and free public transport. The newspaper “Die Presse” reported appropriately: “There is a lot of discussion about personal responsibility. Above all, that requires self-criticism and self-reflection. Unfortunately, there is a lack of this in many places. The embarrassingly low participation in the COVID-19 tests is not a system error, but a reflection of society.”
In addition to many positive messages that reach me, there are unfortunately also absurd messages on social media. Recently I was accused of being a racist and xenophobic for not wanting to write to an anonymous stranger who contacted me that I love him. Another, to whom I wrote that I was happily taken, promptly replied, “Hate being happily taken. Can you say it differently? That’s not sexy to me. I think it’s strange to hear something like that from a man who is almost twice my age …”. I always try to be empathetic and respond to messages like these instead of rejecting the other person. In both cases, however, I had no choice but to end the conversation with a shake of my head. Such a way of dealing with the situation is not effective, and it was not before Corona anyway.
The range of available online meetings is currently diverse and an exchange with like-minded people makes more sense than attacking others with your own frustration. Many of us master the isolation from our community by putting on our leather and fetish gear, be it for virtual meetings in front of the computer, for working in home office or simply to make yourself comfortable at home. We enjoy seeing photos of it, and they motivate others to break out of their everyday lives. This virtual world doesn’t work for everyone and I can understand what is known as digital loneliness. It seems to me that this is not only to blame for COVID-19, but the virus feeds a monster that affected some of us even before the pandemic. In truth, loneliness is not a feeling, but an experience of lack of reference. Perhaps the current situation will help us to allow and endure loneliness, to track down the reason for the lack of reference and to adopt sane behavior patterns that will make us stronger.
COVID-19 is not consensual, the virus did not obtain consent from us before it spread. What worries us all is that politicians just as little ask for our approval when they decide on new measures. We notice a feeling of powerlessness that has never been so consciously. Discussions about ski tourism are heating up while the closure of schools is tacitly accepted. Retailers are currently showing off consumers with discount battles, we blatantly get to see how high the margins in retail really are. At the same time, we read in the news that seamstresses in developing countries who manufacture products for our retailers no longer know how to feed their families. We are in a rat race that has swayed and become a dead end.
Many believe that all of this was necessary in order to reflect on our previous life, to learn to appreciate the essential values again and to redefine our behavior. Does it make sense to rigidly cling to empty forms and to things that actually no longer exist? Who will we be when the masks come down? Let’s defy the virus by acting even more safely, more sanely and even more consensually! We must build bridges, not walls, and show understanding for one another, even if we don’t understand many things right now. A real challenge, but if we now spread our souls widely, we can hopefully absorb the “new” world in us after the pandemic.